has because i get a sense of an aspirational quality even in the title of your channel right and so i'm trying to piece those two existential moments together a little bit more yeah yeah that's a that's a really that's a really fascinating question and i hear your your therapeutic side coming at you which is what is really going to be on the receiving end of as well um you you pose a question with a lot of care and and uh and tenderness i well i needed i need to think back to that moment firstly it was it was it was it was it didn't happen overnight the way i'm narrativizing it now i'm telling it in 20 seconds it sounds very quick it really sort of germinated over a period of years probably a decade in full um and and and i and i left my intro i left my study of um let's let's frame it like this growing when you grow up religiously very religiously as as you know yourself fundamentalist christian home you're not given the choice of would you like to be religious or would you like to be something other than religious or which religion would you like to practice yeah yeah exactly and for good reason i mean i mean families that are raising children want to pass a month they believe is going to be the best chance their child to live a life of happiness and fulfillment and therefore they give them what they believe is the truth um and and i i i have uh i have only tremendous and infinite love and respect for my parents and for their parenting i could not have asked for a better childhood thank god from from here until until the end of days into high heaven um i i understand my parents are two of the most incredible people and inspiring people in my life and and that i know but for any child that grows up religiously there there's there's just there there isn't and particularly i don't know what it's like internally from the inside from another religion and christianity may be different because of how it's sort of become so pervasive culturally but with something like judaism and and i assume the same is for islam and