rabbinic literature judaism god finding miss jewish mystics mystics world seemed irreconcilable question literally gnawed soul kept nights end question um wherever whenever met wise person felt like might insight uh rabbi pastor teacher grandmother would question would post sat recorded conversations 've hundreds subscribations one day 'll something god willing um 's question drove drove crazy like like new god 've discovered beyond non-theistic seems sublime beautiful compelling challenging old god know childhood god yeah still n't know 've reconciled issue 'm two minds um part part believes um part believes first initially thought completely eradicate god get rid became like militant non-theist non-theists maybe maturity moments softness 'm realizing maybe space one 's life moments um toughness one relate personified god um 's god mother father cry um 's complex discussion hindu theology specific point relationship two um representations god ishvara brahman yeah 's book rudolph otto called mysticism east west compares arishankar maestro eckhart compares god deutsch uh theo god dave dustin godhead ishmael brahman really point comes po